


I'm Here

by PW14



Series: Avalance 2.0 [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: AvaLance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 15:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16643018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PW14/pseuds/PW14
Summary: Takes place after Sara's father dies.





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy.

Sara sits in a dimly lit room with the only sound coming from the glass of the decanter on the coffee table. She brings a tumbler of amber liquid to her mouth to try and drown out the memories that have been running rampant through her head. Memories of Dinah, Quentin, Laurel and herself at the park, on Christmas morning, sitting around the dinner table. Memories of her looking out into the crowd after forgetting her lines and tap dancing, only to see her Dad cheering and smiling from ear to ear. Memories of her coming out to her father and him accepting her. Memories of the last time she spoke to her father:

_Sara: Her name is Ava and she—she’s wonderful…and she is sort of my boss, but not really at all.”_

_Quentin: That’s great baby. You sound happy—happier than I think I have ever heard you._

_Sara: I am happy Dad._

_Quentin: That’s all I ever wanted Sara. After the Gambit, I—I didn’t know if that was ever going to happen for you again._

Sara throws back more of the amber liquid down her whiskey coated throat.  Thoughts of everyone that she loves dies. Everyone that she lets in dies. Why? Down went another drink. She knows why. Her. Sara use to think that her family’s life would have been better if she never survived the Gambit’s wreck, and here, in this quiet, dim living room with half a bottle of whiskey in her belly, she believes it—wishes for it. Down goes another. Because if she hadn’t, she would have never joined the league and her father and sister would still be alive. Down goes another. They would not have had to pay for her sins. They would still be here, living their good, moral, decent lives. Down goes another.

 

A portal in the distance breaks the silence in the room but Sara doesn’t react like she normal would for the noise. “Sara, babe, baby. I’m so, so, so, sorry,” Ava says frantically rushing around the kitchen and into the living room. “I know I told you it would only be for an hour, but everything started falling apart. I know we missed our dinner reservations, but give me 20 minutes and we can still make the show.” Ava now takes in the way Sara is just sitting there, no eye contact, aloof, empty tumbler in hand. Her voice pleading, “Babe, I’m so sorry. Please look at me.” Ava kneels in front of Sara, “I promise I will make this up to you.” Ava reaches for Sara to get her to look in her direction and when she does she hates herself even more. “Sar—baby. Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.”

 

Sara looks through her glassy eyes and roughly voices, “My father died.”

 

“Wha—What?” Ava shakes her head not understanding.

 

“He was shot. He’s dead,” Sara speaks aloud for the very first time.

 

Ava pulls Sara to her, “Sara, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Ava squeezes Sara tighter only causing the tears to fall harder. “When?”

 

“Earlier today.”

 

“Why didn’t you call me? Have you been sitting here all by yourself?” Ava’s voice breaks with her heart already knowing the answer.

 

Sara shrugs, and moves past Ava like she wasn’t there to refill her empty glass. She downs it easily while Ava’s eyes fill with water watching the brokenness of Sara unfold. “It’s not like I have anyone else. Everyone I love dies.”

 

Sara reaches for the decanter once more, “Stop. You have had enough,” Ava pushes the crystal away and takes the tumbler from Sara’s hand. Ava cups Sara’s face and for the first time, Sara meets Ava’s eyes. Ava leans in to kiss Sara gently, just like Sara had done a few weeks earlier, “You have me. I’m here, Sara.”

 

Sara crashes her lips with Ava’s. No finesse, no feelings, just sloppy, whiskey lips trying their best to work properly.

 

“Sara, Sara,” Ava tries between Sara’s attempts.

 

Ava pulls away and Sara’s voice speaks for her pleading eyes. “Please,” She repeats it again against Ava’s mouth. Crying and pleading, “Please,” until she is no longer able to move her lips.

 

Ava wraps Sara in her arms while the broken blond weeps in her arms. Ava whispers her love, her I’m sorry’s, her I’m here’s to Sara, while using all of her willpower not to cry for the broken girl in her arms.

 

Ava finally gets Sara to bed and when the crying fades and the breathing evens out, Ava’s heart starts to feel somewhat better, knowing that Sara would not be hurting for a few hours. And then the sting of whiskey is in Ava’s face with words, “You’re lucky you don’t have a family.”

 

Ava’s heart stops, it breaks the rest of the way. Tears stream down her face, but not for her—for Sara. Because she now realizes just how broken Sara is—to say this to her. And in this moment, Ava truly hates herself. Hates that she has made Sara losing her father about her. Because this Sara, in her arms, terrifies her. This Sara, the one who wants to push everyone away because of her past. The one who wants to protect people from getting too close to her. The one who believes that no one can or should love her. This Sara is the only one who can break her heart. So Ava begs to whoever is listening that Sara doesn’t remember saying that. Ava promises that she will never remind Sara of those words. Words Ava knows would break Sara even more if she knew. So Ava continues to hold Sara closer, so that maybe her subconscious will hear her silent I love yous, and I’m not leaving. Ava kisses the top of Sara’s head, breathing in all that is Sara and barely above a whisper, “I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

 

The sun shines through Ava’s blinds announcing morning, Ava wakes with the weight of Sara on her body. She moves a strain of Sara’s hair to see her better and is met with a peaceful, unknowing Sara. She kisses her head, and whispers, “I’m so sorry.” Knowing this peaceful Sara isn’t going to last much longer.

 

Moments pass before Ava notices the death grip, Sara has around her body. Ava swallows back the knot forming in her throat at the thought of the sleeping Sara did not want her to leave.

 

Ava doesn’t know how long she had been lying with Sara wrapped around her body, not daring to wake her and bring her back to reality as Sara begins to stir slowly.

 

Ava isn’t sure Sara’s awake until the hoarse voice breaks the silence, “So it wasn’t a dream?”

 

Pulling Sara closer, she sadly reminds, “No, it wasn’t.” Sara nods against Ava, understanding what is going on. “Are you feeling okay baby? Do you want me to get you some Advil?”

 

“No,” Shaking her head. “I don’t want you to leave me,” Sara places a kiss against Ava’s chest.

 

And with those seven words, seven brief, meaningless words, all of Ava’s doubts, worries and fears are erased. To Sara, they are words of not getting out of bed, but Ava, they are words of hope. “Hey,” Ava lifts Sara’s chin, “I’m not going anywhere. You hear me.” Ava secures Sara’s mind with a soft, loving kiss. 

 

Silent moments pass with Sara content on Ava’s chest, wrapped in her lover’s arms. Sara breaks the silence, “I saw Laurel yesterday—Well not my Laurel, but Earth 2’s Laurel.”

 

Ava’s fingers briefly stop the soothing touch on Sara’s back, “How did it go?”

 

“She was actually the one who called me,” Sara moves out of Ava’s embrace, to the empty spot beside her. Ava shifts to her side to fully face Sara as she starts to continue, “I didn’t know what to expect. Just that my dad had been shot and that he was in surgery. And when I walked through the door, there she was. She was standing right in front of me.” Ava brushes a strain of hair out of Sara’s face. “I—I felt relieved” Sara scrunches her face as if she still couldn’t believe it. “It was like she—my Laurel—was there and she would know exactly what to do. She could fix all of this. Make all of this go away. Then she spoke and I instantly remembered who she was. She didn’t have that…calming voice that Laurel had. She’s not Laurel. And… I was okay with her.”

 

“That’s good, babe,” Ava replies as she mindlessly rubs a hand down Sara’s arm, joining their hands together. “I know that we haven’t talked much about her, but maybe now, with everything that has happened, you two could spend some time together.” Sara doesn’t respond. She turns her attention to their conjoined hands, toying with Ava’s.

 

“Yeah, maybe,” Sara thinks a loud, snuggling closer to Sara.

 

The day went on. Ava got Sara into the shower, held her hand while she called her mom, laughed and smiled at the stories of the Lance family, and held her when Sara’s smile faded and the laughs turned to tears.

 

“Hey, babe,” Ava calls entering her bedroom. “I ordered some Mex—“  Ava is taken back by Sara on the edge of her bed sobbing. “Sara, Sara, what’s wrong?” Ava rushes to kneel in front of her. Sara doesn’t say anything; she just shakes her head with tears pouring down her face. “Babe, please talk to me.” Ava pleads cupping the side of Sara’s face trying to wipe the tears away. When Ava finally manages to get Sara to look at her, she regretted it. Sara’s eyes tell Ava everything that she needs to know—she remembers what she said the night before.

 

This. This look in Sara’s eyes, the tears streaming down her face, is exactly what Ava didn’t want to have happen. The brokenness, anger, hurt, the pain, the guilt from the words she spoke added to everything that she was already going through. Sara’s mouth tries to voice words, but nothing comes out. She keeps trying until a rasp can be heard, “I’m so sorry, Ava. I—I don’t…” she couldn’t continue.

 

Ava knew what she had to do. She had to lie to Sara in order for her to be okay—to not lose her. She makes sure her voice is steady and controls all tears that want to surface, “Sara.” Ava brushes hair back from Sara’s face. “Baby, I do not understand. You have nothing to be sorry for. Come here,” Ava tries to pull Sara closer, but Sara backs away. Away from Ava’s embrace.

 

“How can you even look at me,” Sara retorts with a hint of disgusts in her voice. Her eyes searching Ava’s for an answer, “After what I said to you last night, how—why are you still here?” She wasn’t trying to be mean; she was honestly speaking from her heart. Her heart that is broken and spewing out the darkness that they had been working on.

 

Ava, still trying to keep her voice steady, “Sara, I don’t know what you think you said or did last night, but I am here because I love you.” Her voice begins to rise, “I love you. I will say it again. Sara, I love.”  Ava places her hands on either side of Sara’s face to make sure she hears her, “You are hurting, you feel like you have brought this on, but I will not let you push me away again. Not like this.”

 

“But—

 

“No,” Ava pulls Sara tight into her body. “I’m here. I’m not leaving.” Ava swallows back the knot forming in her throat, “I’m not going to let that swirling darkness you think you have inside you win. You have enough pain and hurt right now, do not let that add to it. I do not care what you think you said, let go of it. You do not belong to the darkness—you are mine. And I am yours. I’m here. I’m not leaving.” Sara wraps her arms around Ava, finally letting herself sink into her. Her cries are muffled by Ava’s clothes, but she knows that these are different tears than before. Ava kisses the side of Sara’s head, closing her eyes trying to keep her tears from falling. Ava promises herself right then, there in her dimly lit bedroom, on her bed, that she will show Sara how much she needs her. Wants her. Loves her, every day.

 

A few days pass as Sara helps take care of the funeral arrangements and meeting with family she hadn’t seen. Standing in Ava’s bedroom, putting the final touches on, Ava watches silently. Sara struggles to fasten her necklace so Ava stands and walks around to Sara’s backside. Once fastened, Ava guides her fingers down the material of Sara’s black, sad dress and locks her hands together around Sara’s waist, gently pressing herself to her.

 

With her neck balanced on Sara’s shoulders, Ava sighs, “I really wish you would let me come with you today.”

 

Sara finds Ava’s eyes in the mirror, “I told you, what would help me is if you went on with your daily routine. Go to the Time Bureau, make some cadets cry.”

 

“I do not find enjoyment in that,” Ava pinches Sara’s sides causing a much needed laugh.

 

Sara turns in her girlfriend’s arms and kisses Ava lightly on the cheek. “I love you for wanting to be there for me,” Sara lightly wipes the extra lipstick off Ava’s cheek, “But I just don’t want this to be how you meet my family.” Sara tightens her hold on Ava’s waist, “When they meet the love of my life, I want it to be on our terms—some time and place where happiness is.” A warm smile forms on Ava’s face before leaning in to kiss Sara. An indulgent, languid kiss that expresses all the love Ava’s voice cannot say at the moment.

 

“I love you too,” Sara barely manages from the kiss.

 

“And don’t you forget it,” Ava smugly states before placing a chaste kiss to Sara’s swollen lips.

 

As Sara begins to leave Ava’s apartment, Ava grabs Sara’s hand, “I’m going to have my phone on me all day, do not hesitate to call.”

 

“I won’t,”

 

“Promise,” Ava worries.

 

“I promise,” Sara assures her with a loving smile before walking out the door.

 

Standing beneath a tree, Ava knew she shouldn’t be here. Her head berating her, but her heart wasn’t listening. She couldn’t stay away. She had to see Sara, be in the vicinity, hoping she could feel her presence somehow and know someone was there with her.

 

Ava stood far enough away to not be noticed, but close enough to hear the faint voices remembering Mayor Lance. She could see Sara and her shoulder slightly raise, indicating that see was wiping tears away and Ava so wised that she could be beside her holding her hand through it all.

 

As the service came to an end, all the immediate family and close friends shook hands and hugged as they said their final goodbye. At this point, Ava’s brain was screaming for her to leave, but her eyes stayed glued on Sara, as her feet were planted in the ground beneath her. As Sara was thanking people, a woman pulled her into a hug and the moment Sara opened her eyes, they locked with the tall blonde, in a suit, standing beneath a tree.

 

“Shit,” Ava said a little too loudly.

 

Ava didn’t know what to do. Walk away and pretend like nothing happened when she meets Sara later? Stay and let her explain to you how much you had let her down by not listening to the one thing she asked for? Ava could see Sara excusing herself from the visitors and heading her way. Stay it is, Ava concluded.

 

Ava knows what’s about to happen. And she knows that she deserves it. Sara needed to do this by herself—she told you that. Why couldn’t you let her have this? Time to grieve with her family—that’s all she asked. Ava bows her head, not being able to look at Sara and see the hurt and disappointment on her face—the hurt and disappointment that she caused. To do this when Sara was already hurting. Ava can hear the crunch of the sticks indicating that Sara was getting close. The noises stop and Ava knows she has to face Sara. She slowly drags her head not stopping until she is looking into Sara’s pale blue eyes. Staring right back at her. Her lips were parted and Ava can tell she was waiting on Ava to speak—to explain why she came when Sara had specially told her not to.

 

“Sara, I’m sorry,” Ava pleads. “I know you told me not to come—that you needed to do this… I—I just had to make sure you were ok—I had to know. I know this looks stalkery a—and…” Ava notices that Sara’s expression still hadn’t changed and she lets out a defeated huff, “I’m sorry.” Ava bows her head unable to look Sara in the eyes—taking the coward’s way out.

 

Sara doesn’t say anything, eyes remain on Ava, and she shakes her head lightly while crossing the final distance to Ava. Ava feels the touch of Sara’s hand on her cheek and her head rises on command. The touch speeds up her heart rate, the brush of Sara’s thumb over her lips silences her, and Sara’s blue eyes pull her in. It’s a tender, intimate kiss, lasting merely seconds—long enough to take both of their breaths away.

 

Foreheads touching, Sara breaths, “Thank you.” Sara takes one of Ava’s hands and brings it to her mouth to lovingly kiss her knuckles. With water in her eyes, Sara continues, “Thank you for not listening to me. Thank you for knowing what I wanted—what I needed, without me even knowing.”

 

With a knot firm in her throat, Ava is too scared to speak, afraid of how her voice would sound, so she simply nods to Sara.

 

Sara intertwines their hands, giving Ava a gentle nudge for her to follow, “Come on.” Sara’s smile reaches her eyes—a smile that Ava hadn’t seen in days. A smile that Ava had missed. “There are a lot of people that I would like to introduce my girlfriend to.”

 

“Are you sure?” Ave tried her best to mask the excitement in her voice, but her eyes betrayed her.

 

“Yeah,” Sara assures.

 

Both women walked the grass path hand in hand.  


End file.
